Monday, October 11, 2004

Work, Work, Work

Sorry for the lack of posts. I was working from Thursday morning at 8 am till Saturday night at 10 pm. And that's without going home once: I have to sleep at my main job, and on my break I got straight to my other job. I guess it sucks, but it makes free-time sitting in my 1-bedroom apartment feel luxurious. Yesterday I just looked at porn and x-rated craigslist ads all day.

Big news of the day: "Superman" Christopher Reeve died. Without being insensitive, I wonder how long his wife is gonna wait before hooking up with another dude. What's gonna be the first thing she says after having sex? Maybe, "Damn, it's been a long time since I had sex with a vertebrate!"

Ja Rule rented a mansion to be on cribs!?! Man, that guy is a masochist.

I'm actually not that happy on my time off from work. I'm so damn bored. I don't really have any friends. I don't have a girlfriend or any girls who will talk to me. I'm a complete, I'm a complete....There's no word for what I am. I'm a complete person-who-nobody-wants-to-be-around. I really try to make friends, but people don't want me around. There's got to be something wrong with me that I'm not aware of. Maybe everyone else knows, and I don't. What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm a nice guy, I'm outgoing, trustworthy, a good dresser, intelligent, and I really try to make friends, girlfriends, even acquaintances. I can't do it. Lately if I talk to anyone about this, some of them say "You're trying too hard." That's bullshit. Because there have been long stretches of time where I didn't make any effort to meet people, and I didn't meet any people. I think I should videotape myself to see better how others see me. I think it's possible that the way I talk, gesture, stand, walk, or something else is extremely offensive to people.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

R.I.P. Rodney

  • Damn, this sucks SO Bad. If I was able to cry, I would definitely cry about Rodney Dangerfield dying. I didn't love his movies really, but his stand-up was incredible. Really funny stuff. He also was a loser who everybody liked, unlike me, a loser who most people hate. I feel really bad about this for some reason. I don't think I'm going to watch TV for a long time, because all the lame networks like USA and TNT will be having Rodney tributes and play Back to School 3 days in a row. Comedy Central will be worse.

  • John Lennon's killer was denied parole for the third time today. If someone else who killed someone, who wasn't famous, would be paroled by now, then it's bullshit to keep that dude in jail. Who cares if John Lennon was famous or a great artist? I'm just as big a beatles/Lennon fan as anyone (I'm a HUGE Beatles fan), but are we going to make the laws different if you kill a famous or talented person? It says Yoko wrote a letter requesting he be denied. Hey, EVERY wife whose husband was murdered wants the killer to serve the full time, why should Yoko Ono get special treatment? Well, maybe anyone in this situation would be denied parole, but I doubt it.

  • We catered the funeral of the girl whose husband shot her in the face today. That's me in the picture standing behind the tree holding a tray of sandwiches. Just joking, but we really did cater it. It was a pain in the ass carrying out all the stuff for them: 4 trays of beverages, 4 sandwich platters, 2 dolci platters, etc...

  • Howard Stern to move to Sirius in '06! I have a good mind to take all my savings and throw it into Sirius stock. It jumped 16 points this morning. I'm definitely going to subscribe. I wonder if that is the one eminem is going to have a channel on? Yes, it is!

  • I popped what is clinically termed the "12 Foot Boner" when I received my GQ magazine today and THIS was on the cover. I cannot believe Lindsey Lohan! What a slut! Her nipples are showing through that wifebeater. Even though her breasts are fake, which is completely disgusting, it's hot that she's willing to be so filthy. But, because she probably doesn't really want to be so slutty, and she's just whoring herself to get ahead in the industry, I'm equally, if not more, turned off by her. Here's a link to a gallery of all the scans from the article. Unfortunate;y, I still think she's really good-looking, and I knew she was gonna be super-hot when I saw her in the parent trap. Can you believe that little girl is now being such a whore? Damn! Damn! Damn! I am sick sick sick! I wonder if I cracked my head like an egg if all the sick stuff would drain out and I'd be willing to live like everyone else?

  • Everyone who browses this blog should take this "Which Celebrity has the Best Butt" poll. I obviously would've included different celebrities, because I like big butts. I picked Salma Hayek for everything except "Who shakes it the best." For that I picked Shakira. The question "Whose butt would you kiss" is really, really stupid. Any heterosexual guy, or lesbian for that matter, would kiss any female celebrities' butt if given the chance. The results are real stupid, Britney got 2nd best (no butt), and Jenny McCarthy got second. J-Lo got first, which I would agree with if she still had a big butt.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004 Posted by Hello

Drunk Bum Down the Hill

Today in the deli this older guy came in. He comes in every once in a while. He has really good hair, and you can tell he used to be real cool in the '50s or something, but maybe he had a stroke or something because he talks funny. He came up to the register with a six-pack. Jerry told him he didn't think he was supposed to sell him beer. The dude goes, no, it's cool, and points to this black lady across the street who was obviously his aid or something. "It's fine, Jerry," he said. "You can ask her." So Jerry sells him the beer, and the old boy takes off in the other direction, up the hill. A few minutes later, the lady comes in and wants to know what happened. When Jerry tells her he sold him beer, she freaks. "MOTHERFUCKER! He's not supposed to be drinkin'." She leaves and takes off in the opposite direction that the dude left in.

Ok, if you thought this was funny so far, that's nothing. About two hours later, Jerry and I look out the window, and we see the guy coming down the hill and he's using a walker. About every ten steps, the dude seriously falls on his ass and turns the walker over. He gets up and picks up the walker, and starts to go again, and then falls on the sidewalk AGAIN. This probably happened like 5 times. Jerry went outside and yelled across the street, "Ay, wassa matta? Where ya goin'?" The dude yells back that he's going to the bank to get more money. Jerry yells "I HOPE-A YOU NOT BUY A MORE BEER, YOU GET ARRESS!"

I don't think I ever laughed more in my life, my whole body and head was sore for over an hour after.

  • Leave me some comments so I know someone looked at this damn thing, or send me an email.

  • Rap news at Nas's next single is with his dad, Jazz musician Olu Dara, Lil' Jon to release an album by the end of this year, Special Ed to drop another album, and he is only 30 yrs old (!?!).

Monday, October 04, 2004

Here's the best picture of J-Lo's ass ever. It's far smaller than this now, which is too bad. Posted by Hello

  • Amy Poehler has been named the new snl "Weekend Update" co-anchor. She's really hot, but I do miss Jimmy Fallon. I also always feel threatened whenever a woman takes a position of power, but good for her!

  • Anyone remember Pogeybait from Eightball? This is the doll.

  • It looks like I'm going to have to cancel my work at the deli Wednesday morning. Usually I have a meeting at my other job, but a close friend of theirs (the family that owns the deli) was shot in the face by her husband and they have to cater the funeral. He shot himself shortly after. I wonder if it's going to be a double-funeral? I bet not. One of the girls was best friends with this girl. Apparently the girl had left the guy and was going back to get her stuff, and this is when he got her.

  • I was rolling down the street blasting this mixtape today. It is called Notorious BIG Rap Phenomenon by DJs Dirty Harry and DJ Vlad. If you are a hardcore Biggie fan like me, you have got to get your hands on this. It is absolutely essential, like another album. It's got at least 2 or 3 exclusives I had never heard. I was shocked. There are a lot of good blends too, and some great freestyles. Vlad also has the best signature soundbyte too. It's this girl saying his name in a sexy voice. It's really great. The only weird thing is I wonder what people think when they hear the music and see me driving. I always hope people will be like, "OH SHIT! That guy is really cool! He's listening to great music." They actually probably why a dorky glasses-wearing white nerd is listening to hardcore rap. Anyway, I always like to hear music I like coming from passing cars. Hopefully a cute girl will get into my car the next time I blast some groovy tunes.

  • I have been listening to the disco tune "Inside Out" by Odyssey over and over recently. It's a pretty laidback track. The chorus really gets me though. It's got this woman singing: "I wanna be-e-e-e inside out." That's a pretty deep concept huh. The whole song is basically about this girl who lost her man to another lady. She says that she's gonna be there waiting for him, and she wants him to come back when he realizes he is wrong. But, there are basically two lines which make no sense to me"
  1. "I wanna be inside out," and
  2. "I wanna be so deep that you'll be leavin' me."

What the hell does it mean? You can read the lyrics here. Maybe someone can decipher this damn song.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

First Post

This is my first post. I'm starting this blog because I am utterly bored with my life, and I hope I will find some people who share my interests. I am pretty rusty on html and am unfamiliar with the technical side of it so be prepared for a bumpy ride.

I am 26 years old, and live in Albany NY. I work at an Italian deli in the morning, and take care of handicapped people in the afternoon and evening. The latter is my full-time job. I work about seven days a week to get by and have extra money to buy things. Albany is extremely, extremely cheap, so I generally have hundreds of dollars left over to buy comics, sneakers, and food.

I have a college degree and even went to law school for a while, but I'm just wasting my life away at the moment.

As you can tell by the name of the post, I am an ass-fetishist. I like girls with big asses. I'm really not picky at all, but my absolute favorite are white girls with large round asses. Being a complete nerd, I like the girls who seem like they wouldn't give me a second thought, and the girls who I could easily pick up. I'm not as attracted to middle-of-the-road girls, although as I said, I'm really not picky. What really turns me on is the ghetto white chicks with big asses, and the innocent homely girls with big asses.

For now, this blog will consist of stories and links to things I like.

  • Anyone feel like buying me these?

  • I've been listening to MF Doom lately. If you are into hip-hop, and haven't checked him out, do it now. He is a producer-rapper as Kanye is, but really much better. I'm into production more than anything else, so I really like the Special Herbs comps. I guess Special Herbs 7 & 8 just came out, but I haven't had a chance to hear it yet. I'm real excited though.

  • I recently bought Kapilavastu (Buddha, Vol. 1) by the "Godfather of Manga," Osamu Tezuka. It's an incredible first volume of what I'm sure will be one of the greatest stories ever told in comics form that I have (will) read. I love his art, especially how he mixes the realistic with cartoony. He can pull both off with incredible mastery. This stuff is par excellence. On the same level as the old Disney movies, but mature. I want to buy all of these, but each is about $30.00! And there's 6 volumes!!! Not to mention, Chip Kidd provides cover design.

  • Here's a nice ass for you. It's really big. I like them smaller too, but this big is cool too. I like how she's bending over in public. It gives me the sense that she likes to be dirty, which is very exciting. She also looks like she may be 30 or above, which is kind of hot too, because I have this preconception that women that age and older aren't really into sexy-stuff anymore.

  • Here's another one. What the hell is she leaning on? Is she standing on a ladder? I thought she was coming up from the basement and leaning on the railing but now I don't think so. Maybe she's on crutches. The poor thing sprained her ankle. This is the kind of thing that I would equate into my sexual-fantasy while looking at the picture. "Aha, that girl with the big ass has fucked up her ankle. Ok." Well anyway, I don't know what the hell she's doing in that picture.

This is a nice one Posted by Hello